I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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