Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
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