Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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