the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
