how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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