I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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