I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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