i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
