Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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