some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
