I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize