yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
