It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
