Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize