I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
