Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
