Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
