I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
