I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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