So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
