You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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