Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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