Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
