I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
