I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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