feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
