i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
