Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
