I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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