wat bout pragnant strippers??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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