Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
