I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
