mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
