you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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