When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
