it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
