the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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