If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My cat gives me a boner
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
