i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize