You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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