Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
