Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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