What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
