I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
