I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
