I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
