so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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