This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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