just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize