It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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