Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
