Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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