He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
