Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
