ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
