What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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