I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
