Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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