OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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