i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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