My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
