if you like me you must not know who I am
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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