Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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