I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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