I just made out with a guy for $7.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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