i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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