i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's shark week go big or go home
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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