She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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