All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Mom said you looked used
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
