Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
